Stand up wipers

[Herbivore 909]

I assume you sitters have never shite in the woods. All real men have at some point.

 

I don't think I have done this

[Cruzer 1,992]

I don't trust people who:

 

* don't like dogs

* don't like steak

* stand up to wipe.

 

[Hardcore troubadour 12,695]

I don't trust people who:

 

* don't like dogs

* don't like steak

* stand up to wipe.

 

Where did you go when the coyote was bringing you across? Or are you an anchor baby?

[Cruzer 1,992]

Where did you go when the coyote was bringing you across? Or are you an anchor baby?

Meh, D+.

[Reality 2,710]

When I stand, I’m facing the bowl and ass is pointed away from the toilet. I need full range to wipe and inspect.

 

 

I can't even do the math on what it takes to get this sort of maneuver accomplished.

[KSB2424 3,085]

At the next Geek Meat, I'll do a demonstration.

[Herbivore 909]

At the next Geek Meat, I'll do a demonstration.

 

[WhiteWonder 2,179]

 

 

I can't even do the math on what it takes to get this sort of maneuver accomplished.

 

you have trouble standing?

[Reality 2,710]

 

you have trouble standing?

 

He's doing a little more than standing, all with sh!t squished between his ass cheeks.

 

HTH

[tanatastic 2,061]

He's doing a little more than standing, all with sh!t squished between his ass cheeks.

 

HTH

I need full range to both access my wiping tools and inspect the poop festering in the toilet. I need range of motion to get multiple ang,es of wiping such as the bunched up thrust and downward thumb chop. Takes at least 5-10 wipes per crap. Other rigid people here Im sure have a simple system of 2 squares neatly folded, 2 sitting wipes and done, regardless of cleanliness. You simply are not clean until you wipe and NOTHING shows up. In fact you still arent clean until you go over with a wet wipe and another dry wipe.

 

Theres no crap squished between the cheeks. Do you start to wipe while a log is hanging out still or something? Id put my ass up against anyone here for cleanliness after a dump. Could even have Newbie do a taste teste to be sure.

[MDC 5,902]

Anybody here a standing wiper AND a crumpler???

[the s is ilent 69]

$hit, shower, shave.

 

This is probably the only bored, in the history of boreds, that has biannual discussions about taking a dump.

[tanatastic 2,061]

Anybody here a standing wiper AND a crumpler???

Absolutely a crumpler. I can’t do the neat and tidy 1 fold wipe. I need ridges and crevices.

[Reality 2,710]

I need full range to both access my wiping tools and inspect the poop festering in the toilet. I need range of motion to get multiple ang,es of wiping such as the bunched up thrust and downward thumb chop. Takes at least 5-10 wipes per crap. Other rigid people here Im sure have a simple system of 2 squares neatly folded, 2 sitting wipes and done, regardless of cleanliness. You simply are not clean until you wipe and NOTHING shows up. In fact you still arent clean until you go over with a wet wipe and another dry wipe.

 

Theres no crap squished between the cheeks. Do you start to wipe while a log is hanging out still or something? Id put my ass up against anyone here for cleanliness after a dump. Could even have Newbie do a taste teste to be sure.

 

 

The 2 bolded statements don't add up. Do you grab both ass cheeks and spread them as you perform the pirouette?

 

No disrespect here, just trying to understand.

[MDC 5,902]

Absolutely a crumpler. I cant do the neat and tidy 1 fold wipe. I need ridges and crevices.

Dont you end up creating a crap smeared oragami swan?

[tanatastic 2,061]

The 2 bolded statements don't add up. Do you grab both ass cheeks and spread them as you perform the pirouette?

 

No disrespect here, just trying to understand.

Ok there’s residual stuff sure, but usually no chunks that are going to fall off. If there is, I’ll hover over the toilet and wipe once to get anything major out the way before standing, turning and starting the main wiping.

[tanatastic 2,061]

Dont you end up creating a crap smeared oragami swan?

Yea sometimes it can resemble that.

[Reality 2,710]

Ok there’s residual stuff sure, but usually no chunks that are going to fall off. If there is, I’ll hover over the toilet and wipe once to get anything major out the way before standing, turning and starting the main wiping.

 

Well, you've got a system and it seems to work for you. Just seems like a lot of extra work.

 

Leaning to the left has always worked for me, understood on the wipes as well, good way to really clean it up back there.

 

I'm a relatively normal guy, sh!t then shower most mornings.

[BunnysBastatrds 1,926]

i have to assume that sitters are actually doing a little squat of sorts? otherwise, how do you get under there? especially you fatties.

 

I stand. my ass is always over the toilet, ill wipe in both directions, then wet wipe.

 

This/

[BunnysBastatrds 1,926]

Anybody here a standing wiper AND a crumpler???

[titans&bucs&bearsohmy! 2,745]

lean left

Im surprised you would lean to the left even in this.

[tanatastic 2,061]

Im surprised you would lean to the left even in this.

It’s a bluff, he won’t even make a left turn in his car to go to the grocery store. I’ve imagined how Drobs would take a crap many times. Sitting there very rigid, scowl on his face to preserve an air of manliness even though no one is watching. Sits to wipe, 2 squares folded over, two wipes, no more, regardless of how much poop is left.

[drobeski 3,061]

Im surprised you would lean to the left even in this.

its the only reason to

[drobeski 3,061]

You know who else wipes standing up ?

Down syndrome kids do.

 

 

True story, Google it.

[tanatastic 2,061]

its the only reason to

This reminds me of the movie fever pitch where the Sox fan wipes with yankee toilet paper. You could find some kind of DNC or political paper Im sure.

[drobeski 3,061]

This reminds me of the movie fever pitch where the Sox fan wipes with yankee toilet paper. You could find some kind of DNC or political paper Im sure.

nyt or the Boston globe will do

[MDC 5,902]

You know who else wipes standing up ?

Down syndrome kids do.

 

 

True story, Google it.

Not sure we have the same taste in pron.

[Gladiators 1,904]

 

This thread delivers

[WhiteWonder 2,179]

Absolutely a crumpler. I can’t do the neat and tidy 1 fold wipe. I need ridges and crevices.

 

same here. I never understood the need to fold? people act like crumpling is weird but what exactly are you going to do with your neatly folded TP? wipe with one side then turn it over and wipe with the other side ? ....

 

i guess i don't crumple or fold. I just grab some wadded up TP and wipe. I dont put much thought into it. It's getting used for one swipe

[WhiteWonder 2,179]

 

He's doing a little more than standing, all with sh!t squished between his ass cheeks.

 

HTH

 

why on earth would shit be squished between anyones ass cheeks? what kind of shits are you guys taking? your asshole is pointed into the bowl, how are you getting THAT much shit caked between your cheeks?

[vuduchile 1,941]

 

same here. I never understood the need to fold? people act like crumpling is weird but what exactly are you going to do with your neatly folded TP? wipe with one side then turn it over and wipe with the other side ? ....

 

i guess i don't crumple or fold. I just grab some wadded up TP and wipe. I dont put much thought into it. It's getting used for one swipe

Folding is neater and cleaner all the way around.

 

Theres no way you can reach the necessary wiping PSI with a crumpled wad and keep the sh!t off your fingers.

[vuduchile 1,941]

 

why on earth would shit be squished between anyones ass cheeks? what kind of shits are you guys taking? your asshole is pointed into the bowl, how are you getting THAT much shit caked between your cheeks?

Men have hairy azzholes. All dumps are not created equal.

 

A clean wipe dump is like winning a parlay.

[wiffleball 4,649]

Absolutely a crumpler. I cant do the neat and tidy 1 fold wipe. I need ridges and crevices.

Yeah, I'm not doing origami in there.

[MDC 5,902]

 

why on earth would shit be squished between anyones ass cheeks? what kind of shits are you guys taking? your asshole is pointed into the bowl, how are you getting THAT much shit caked between your cheeks?

After you take a dump when you wipe there is on the paper right? Well that is on your ass hole when you finish crapping. When you stand up before wiping it turns into a Rorschach test between your ass cheeks.

[fandandy 3,311]

After you take a dump when you wipe there is ###### on the paper right? Well that ###### is on your ass hole when you finish crapping. When you stand up before wiping it turns into a Rorschach test between your ass cheeks.

Right, and they just grab a fist full of toilet paper and go at it like a toddler dusting. Neanderthals.

[Herbivore 909]

 

same here. I never understood the need to fold? people act like crumpling is weird but what exactly are you going to do with your neatly folded TP? wipe with one side then turn it over and wipe with the other side ? ....

 

i guess i don't crumple or fold. I just grab some wadded up TP and wipe. I dont put much thought into it. It's getting used for one swipe

 

The stand up wipe I can kind of understand, though definitely more potentially hazardous. Crumple wiping..no way. The paper is going to unCrumple as you pull away.

[Drizzay 647]

I thought this thread would be about those people that stand up their windshield wipers before a snow storm, so they don't freeze stuck.

[edjr 5,585]

when I know it's going to snow over night or be really cold, I stand up my wipers

 

 

 

I thought this thread would be about those people that stand up their windshield wipers before a snow storm, so they don't freeze stuck.

take a lap

[Reality 2,710]

 

why on earth would shit be squished between anyones ass cheeks? what kind of shits are you guys taking? your asshole is pointed into the bowl, how are you getting THAT much shit caked between your cheeks?

 

He is not only standing up but, turning around and facing the toilet..

 

Did you even read his post?

[shotsup 832]

Back to crumbling

 

Had a friend that worked facilities and her boss wanted her to send out an email asking employees how many squares they use while wiping.

 

True story. She was embarrassed to do it but she did. Answers varied.