Question for married geeks

[naomi 343]

Assuming you had at least a couple relationships before your wife, I'm curious if any of you had exes that you consider more beautiful than your wife? (But clearly you were still physically attracted to your wife and find her the best 'overall package' (hopefully))

Also, curious if any of you were not terribly into your wife's looks when you initially met, but she was at least north of 'meh' and you actually grew to find her more beautiful?

I'm hitting the dating market again and have gone out with some guys prior (+ have a massive crush on a colleague) who I'd honestly say are out of my league. They set too high of a bar. It's kind of strange, but as I scan Christian Mingle I'm getting uneasy with the amount of guys that I'm thinking "eh.." with.

[Pimpadeaux 2,266]

Another great topic. You're on fire tonight!

I don't consider any of my exes to be more beautiful than my wife, to whom I've been married nine years. 

I've grown more attracted to her over the years, which before her I didn't think was possible. 

I find myself stealing glances at her all the time, like some boy in high school ogling a girl across the room and trying to get a look up her skirt.

[naomi 343]

Slightly off-topic for a second..my parents named my two brothers fairly popular names at the time.

25% of the time it seems (at least), whether meeting in everyday life or online, guys I'm curious about have one of their names. Frustrating. I'll date them; they also tend to be good guys, but damn it.

*currently scrolling Christian Mingle

[Gladiators 1,904]

1 minute ago, Pimpadeaux said:

Another great topic. You're on fire tonight!

I don't consider any of my exes to be more beautiful than my wife, to whom I've been married nine years. 

I've grown more attracted to her over the years, which before her I didn't think was possible. 

I find myself stealing glances at her all the time, like some boy in high school ogling a girl across the room and trying to get a look up her skirt.

I have a similar response to yours, but I don’t have many of exes. Wife and I have been married for 12 years and have 2 boys. I’ve come to realize the last few years how awesome a woman she is. When we got married, I was more interested in how attractive she was. She’s still attractive, but that’s not what intrigues me as much anymore.

[Big Guy 1,400]

37 minutes ago, naomi said:

Assuming you had at least a couple relationships before your wife, I'm curious if any of you had exes that you consider more beautiful than your wife? (But clearly you were still attracted to your wife and find her the best 'overall package' (hopefully))

Also, curious if any of you were not terribly into your wife's looks when you initially met, but she was at least north of 'meh' and you actually grew to find her more beautiful?

I'm hitting the dating market again and have gone out with some guys prior (+ have a massive crush on a colleague) who I'd honestly say are out of my league. They set too high of a bar. It's kind of strange, but as I scan Christian Mingle I'm getting uneasy with the amount of guys that I'm thinking "eh.." with.

would you consider dating a Married Man?

if so, message me 

In the mean time, I'll ask my Wife 

[Pimpadeaux 2,266]

2 minutes ago, Gladiators said:

I have a similar response to yours, but I don’t have many of exes. Wife and I have been married for 12 years and have 2 boys. I’ve come to realize the last few years how awesome a woman she is. When we got married, I was more interested in how attractive she was. She’s still attractive, but that’s not what intrigues me as much anymore.

I didn't get married the first time until I was 30, and that was just a mistake. She was fresh out of college and had huge career ambitions. it lasted just a couple of years.  It was another six years before I re-married, and I had a lot of fun in between. That one lasted 11 years. Then I was single for all of one year. When you're middle aged and emerge into the dating scene, it's kind of crazy out there. 

So now I am where I am, and the empty-nest years start in August. Kind of bittersweet, but I'm ready for the next chapter. 

I left it all on the field for my sons. I didn't miss anything, was always there for them and had myriad great adventures, with more to come.

[Big Guy 1,400]

to your question....

YES, I've had other Ladies that were better looking, or at least that I was more attracted to.

But before I got Married I made an elaborate scoring system comparing their attributes, my Wife beat them all.

 

Turns out my scoring system had some kinks 

[TommyGavin 788]

19 minutes ago, Big Guy said:

Turns out my scoring system had some kinks

Like a butt plug ?

[Big Guy 1,400]

1 hour ago, TommyGavin said:

Like a butt plug ?

nope, not enough categories 

[jerryskids 5,206]

2 hours ago, naomi said:

Assuming you had at least a couple relationships before your wife, I'm curious if any of you had exes that you consider more beautiful than your wife? (But clearly you were still physically attracted to your wife and find her the best 'overall package' (hopefully))

Also, curious if any of you were not terribly into your wife's looks when you initially met, but she was at least north of 'meh' and you actually grew to find her more beautiful?

I'm hitting the dating market again and have gone out with some guys prior (+ have a massive crush on a colleague) who I'd honestly say are out of my league. They set too high of a bar. It's kind of strange, but as I scan Christian Mingle I'm getting uneasy with the amount of guys that I'm thinking "eh.." with.

My current wife (also my only wife, 29 years in October) was not the hottest girl I dated.  But she had other qualities, dare I say our personalities were a great match?

Fast forward to now, she has aged better than I could have possibly hoped for.  I realize that a part of that opinion is that I still somewhat see her as my young bride, but objectively I know I somewhat hit the lottery.

So to I think the question you are asking, the "out of your league" guys might date you, and find that "soulmate" personality" match, so give it a shot. 

[Pimpadeaux 2,266]

27 minutes ago, jerryskids said:

My current wife (also my only wife, 29 years in October) was not the hottest girl I dated.  But she had other qualities, dare I say our personalities were a great match?

Fast forward to now, she has aged better than I could have possibly hoped for.  I realize that a part of that opinion is that I still somewhat see her as my young bride, but objectively I know I somewhat hit the lottery.

So to I think the question you are asking, the "out of your league" guys might date you, and find that "soulmate" personality" match, so give it a shot. 

I want you so bad right now.

[KSB2424 3,083]

 

[cyclone24 1,814]

The biggest pains in the ass in my life were the hottest ones physically. 

[naomi 343]

49 minutes ago, jerryskids said:

My current wife (also my only wife, 29 years in October) was not the hottest girl I dated.  But she had other qualities, dare I say our personalities were a great match?

Fast forward to now, she has aged better than I could have possibly hoped for.  I realize that a part of that opinion is that I still somewhat see her as my young bride, but objectively I know I somewhat hit the lottery.

So to I think the question you are asking, the "out of your league" guys might date you, and find that "soulmate" personality" match, so give it a shot. 

That's awesome.

My concern is I find myself passing on a lot of guys (just in terms of looking at dating profiles) because their looks do nothing for me, if not are sort of repelling.

If a guy is at least not 'meh' I'm thinking I should explore the potential opportunity (assuming he seems like a promising match otherwise of course).

It feels like approaching this with a spirit of settling, but if I were to only consider guys as good looking as some exes, or a colleague I really like, that would seemingly leave a super teeny tiny pool of guys. So I'm trying to stay optimistic with the note physical attraction can grow.

[Big Guy 1,400]

51 minutes ago, cyclone24 said:

The biggest pains in the ass in my life were the hottest ones physically. 

you were doing it wrong 

[Big Guy 1,400]

52 minutes ago, naomi said:

So I'm trying to stay optimistic with the note physical attraction can grow.

it doesn't

[RaiderHaters Revenge 3,584]

5 hours ago, naomi said:

Slightly off-topic for a second..my parents named my two brothers fairly popular names at the time.

25% of the time it seems (at least), whether meeting in everyday life or online, guys I'm curious about have one of their names. Frustrating. I'll date them; they also tend to be good guys, but damn it.

*currently scrolling Christian Mingle

Ahh Christian mingle….

you know I’m an atheist but on dating sites I put agnostic. And it’s just so I get these hot Christian chicks coming in trying to convert me, and I tell you what. It works!  By the end of the night they usually have me saying oh god oh god 

[RaiderHaters Revenge 3,584]

3 hours ago, jerryskids said:

My current wife (also my only wife, 29 years in October) was not the hottest girl I dated.  But she had other qualities, dare I say our personalities were a great match?

Fast forward to now, she has aged better than I could have possibly hoped for.  I realize that a part of that opinion is that I still somewhat see her as my young bride, but objectively I know I somewhat hit the lottery.

So to I think the question you are asking, the "out of your league" guys might date you, and find that "soulmate" personality" match, so give it a shot. 

You sure you have cancer and not just the ghey 

[BunnysBastatrds 1,918]

8 hours ago, naomi said:

Slightly off-topic for a second..my parents named my two brothers fairly popular names at the time.

25% of the time it seems (at least), whether meeting in everyday life or online, guys I'm curious about have one of their names. Frustrating. I'll date them; they also tend to be good guys, but damn it.

*currently scrolling Christian Mingle

 Christians fingere you like a bowling ball???

[cyclone24 1,814]

8 hours ago, Big Guy said:

you were doing it wrong 

Ha nah. 
1 looked like Rosamund Pike..almost identical. She had a dude on the side she moved to Seattle with..had no idea.

2. Knew I was getting with a sort of married woman. She was crazy. He knew… there would be some nights if he couldn’t find her he would call me not even mad just to see if she was there. She usually wasn’t. Gorgeous little thing…fake rack.

3. Did fitness shows. I’m pretty sure she’s banged all of Des Moines now that I’m known her for a long time. I’ll just say I’m tied to her for 18 years. We broke up 10 years ago and she hasn’t kept a guy more than a year.

4. chick had just got divorced went out and got some new . They were so new they were still hard and I got to massage them to soften them up. But she would openly talk about she was going to go bang guys while we were out. Lol

[TimmySmith 2,782]

Been too long to really remember but my wife was certainly attractive enough. If I got divorced tomorrow (not happening) I think I could go younger and get more attractive but I would look for other things. Women have a huge problem these days when they divorce in middle age. The dating pool is thin and guys call the shots.

[jerryskids 5,206]

7 hours ago, RaiderHaters Revenge said:

You sure you have cancer and not just the ghey 

I probably have both.   

Seriously tho, I presume dating is different now than for me back before the interwebs.  Back then you had to actually meet people before you dated them (usually, there was the concept of blind dates I suppose).  So you knew for real how someone looked, not just from a profile pic, and you generally had a sense of if there was any chemistry.  Since you don't have that option with an internet site, I'd be inclined to go with the "good enough" approach for a first date.  It's not like you are marrying the person -- grab a coffee, see if something clicks and you think "hmm, better looking than I thought." 

Also, I feel emotionally invested to help Naomi find her match.  We've watched her grow, gawd, 20 years?  I think she was a teen when she joined.  She's like the little sister I never had.  That's the ghey flaring up again I guess.   

[Fireballer 2,383]

The girl I dated before my wife was somewhat hotter than my wife in our early 20s.  But she was a PIA, and my wife and I were a 9 out of 10 on compatability and the sex is still incredible. We will be married 21 years this year and she has aged well.  The other, not so much.  

[Bier Meister 1,514]

Yes… dated “hotter” women than my wife. Most of them were touched with crazy. I don’t like drama. My wife is beautiful, not entitled, rational. I knew this early 

 

edit: 27 years in September 

[MDC 5,891]

14 hours ago, naomi said:

Assuming you had at least a couple relationships before your wife, I'm curious if any of you had exes that you consider more beautiful than your wife? 

Seriously, no. My wife is uncommonly good looking and way out of my league. We’re 15+ years older and grayer and I still think she’s hot. But it’s most important to find someone you enjoy spending time with.

Im glad my dating years are over.

[Cloaca du jour 2,064]

My wife is now a mottled heavy bag and I cant imagine life without her.

[Brad GLuckman 518]

I'll just say this, if you are marrying the best looking person you ever dated, you better be sure you are not blinded by appearance. Definitely more of a problem for guys. Surprised some super Christian girl is so into looks. 

[KSB2424 3,083]

Let me answer this question with a story.

My wife and I have been happily married for 15 years with two children, we spoke of most all things whilst dating but the other night I got a little drunk and for some unknown reason looked at her and asked:  "Am I the only one you've ever been with?"  I know, I know....... However she immediately answered, looked me right in the eyes and said:  "Actually KSB you are the only one I've ever been with, but I've also had 9's and 10's". 

[fandandy 3,311]

I would be willing to pay you $100 if you posted here your legit verifiable Christian Mingle profile here.

I would love to read it.

[naomi 343]

3 hours ago, Brad GLuckman said:

I'll just say this, if you are marrying the best looking person you ever dated, you better be sure you are not blinded by appearance. Definitely more of a problem for guys. Surprised some super Christian girl is so into looks. 

I definitely don't feel like I need to marry the best looking person I've dated. But I'm basically forcing myself to engage with people that are on the cusp of being unappealing. It's not a pretty pool by any means. And I'm not all that by any means either, but it's an adjustment.

Funny thing, I have (although we are just now detaching from each other it seems) an atheist, liberal friend, who over the years we've shared more than friendship at times. He's not conventionally good looking at all. But I like his distinctive personality and a lot about his character, and grew to appreciate his looks because they're as distinctive as him. The problem there is we both think the other is a complete idiot (if not immoral idiot, or as he's said before "everything that is wrong with this country" ). The last two years have been interesting. We can still enjoy each other's company amidst that, to an extent, but marriage wouldn't work.

[Gepetto 987]

21 minutes ago, naomi said:

I definitely don't feel like I need to marry the best looking person I've dated. But I'm basically forcing myself to engage with people that are on the cusp of being unappealing. It's not a pretty pool by any means. And I'm not all that by any means either, but it's an adjustment.

Funny thing, I have (although we are just now detaching from each other it seems) an atheist, liberal friend, who over the years we've shared more than friendship at times. He's not conventionally good looking at all. But I like his distinctive personality and a lot about his character, and grew to appreciate his looks because they're as distinctive as him. The problem there is we both think the other is a complete idiot (if not immoral idiot, or as he's said before "everything that is wrong with this country" ). The last two years have been interesting. We can still enjoy each other's company amidst that, to an extent, but marriage wouldn't work.

You don't have to contact or respond to anyone on that or any other dating site.  You can realize they're all meh and keep ignoring all of them for months or years unless and until you find someone worth contacting.  I'm a guy and I swipe LEFT on pretty much every single profile.

[naomi 343]

1 hour ago, fandandy said:

I would be willing to pay you $100 if you posted here your legit verifiable Christian Mingle profile here.

I would love to read it.

It's fairly short. In part I link to a lyrics video to Rock of Ages because that hymn is a very simple representation of Christian doctrine that I believe is truth. Doctrine can narrow the pool down, and if I had to guess--and this might be generous--about 15% of members probably genuinely resonate with the thread of biblical doctrine in that hymn.

[naomi 343]

16 minutes ago, Gepetto said:

You don't have to contact or respond to anyone on that or any other dating site.  You can realize they're all meh and keep ignoring all of them for months or years unless and until you find someone worth contacting.  I'm a guy and I swipe LEFT on pretty much every single profile.

Yeah, that's true. I had a guy who is like a unicorn to me (he broke things off; I was heartbroken) contact me last spring when I was almost not paying attention anymore. 

I'm not engaging with everyone but I'm really stretching to see and honor potential because it's personally the best way for me to meet people. If my criteria was more general, I'd just go out in the world far more.

[Brad GLuckman 518]

6 hours ago, naomi said:

I definitely don't feel like I need to marry the best looking person I've dated. But I'm basically forcing myself to engage with people that are on the cusp of being unappealing. It's not a pretty pool by any means. And I'm not all that by any means either, but it's an adjustment.

Funny thing, I have (although we are just now detaching from each other it seems) an atheist, liberal friend, who over the years we've shared more than friendship at times. He's not conventionally good looking at all. But I like his distinctive personality and a lot about his character, and grew to appreciate his looks because they're as distinctive as him. The problem there is we both think the other is a complete idiot (if not immoral idiot, or as he's said before "everything that is wrong with this country" ). The last two years have been interesting. We can still enjoy each other's company amidst that, to an extent, but marriage wouldn't work.

OK so you're kind of the opposite of what I'm talking about. I have fallen into the trap where you tend to overlook someone's poor qualities because they're so attractive. 

[Utilit99 4,099]

The only way to roll...

https://www.facebook.com/groups/startreksingles/

[5-Points 2,729]

I banged some hotties back in my day. Some were prettier than my wife. None were as kind, thoughtful, caring, generous, talented, funny, interesting or just fun to be around as is my wife. 

[5-Points 2,729]

9 hours ago, naomi said:

I definitely don't feel like I need to marry the best looking person I've dated. But I'm basically forcing myself to engage with people that are on the cusp of being unappealing. It's not a pretty pool by any means. And I'm not all that by any means either, but it's an adjustment.

Funny thing, I have (although we are just now detaching from each other it seems) an atheist, liberal friend, who over the years we've shared more than friendship at times. He's not conventionally good looking at all. But I like his distinctive personality and a lot about his character, and grew to appreciate his looks because they're as distinctive as him. The problem there is we both think the other is a complete idiot (if not immoral idiot, or as he's said before "everything that is wrong with this country" ). The last two years have been interesting. We can still enjoy each other's company amidst that, to an extent, but marriage wouldn't work.

Stop doing that. Seriously. 

[IGotWorms 3,315]

On 5/6/2022 at 9:19 PM, naomi said:

That's awesome.

My concern is I find myself passing on a lot of guys (just in terms of looking at dating profiles) because their looks do nothing for me, if not are sort of repelling.

If a guy is at least not 'meh' I'm thinking I should explore the potential opportunity (assuming he seems like a promising match otherwise of course).

It feels like approaching this with a spirit of settling, but if I were to only consider guys as good looking as some exes, or a colleague I really like, that would seemingly leave a super teeny tiny pool of guys. So I'm trying to stay optimistic with the note physical attraction can grow.

If you don’t think he’s attractive, don’t date him. They don’t need to be the hottest person you’ve ever dated but you do need that attraction as a baseline.

Now if you’re having a tough time finding prospects, you could ask yourself, is there anything attractive about them, and then see if that’s enough. I’ve found that’s a decent way to ensure you’re giving the appropriate people chances vs being too picky