Divorce

[Old School 360]

Divorce

Whos been through it?

What did it cost you?

Has anyone, ever, on the face of this earth made it through a non contested divorce? Is it even possible?

Other than not getting married in the first place- what is the best advice to limit the loss of funds and property?

 

Go-

 

 

This should be effin epic.

[Frozenbeernuts 1,653]

I am going through it. It should end up being uncontested. I haven't ponied up anything yet since we are hammering out the details ourselves

[tanatastic 2,061]

I am going through it. It should end up being uncontested. I haven't ponied up anything yet since we are hammering out the details ourselves

With that girl we saw you in the pic with not too long ago?

[Cdub100 3,466]

Cheaper to keep her

 

Also

 

1. Delete Facebook
2. Hit the gym
3. Start hiding money

[fandandy 3,312]

I've been through it. One daughter, she was I think 5 at the time. In lieu of lawyering up I offered to take all the debt and the house and mortgage and she could take the car and the boat and no debt and walk away. She refused. I got a lawyer. She called me a few weeks later and said how about you take all the debt and the house and the mortgage and I take the car and the boat??

 

Ummm, OK.

 

It was as cordial as it could possibly be. I didn't want it but it was out of my hands and she made it as painless as she could. We went to Friend of the Court, the heartless working there slid some papers across her desk and said read this. It was telling me when I could see my daughter after the divorce was finalized. I was almost in tears and my ex shows up late and I slid it over to her. She looks at it, looks at me and says we don't need to do it this way. We agreed on joint physical custody and up until she got into middle school we were week on week off. Now my daughter lives at her moms as she has bussing for school and visits me on weekends and for most of her breaks and most of the summer.

 

The suck part is not the stuff, its the kid(s) and the guilt you feel because of it all, at least for me it was. Hopefully your kids are older and this goes as good as possible.

 

Good luck.

[tanatastic 2,061]

Always hide money, even if you are happy.

[lickin_starfish 1,527]

My wife and I have 3 kids in high school. We have been married for 20 years. She is still in good shape, sexes me on the regular, and rubs my head every night as we fall asleep in bed.

She doesn't pay any attention to our finances whatsoever. She doesn't even know how big her paychecks are, they just get direct deposited into our joint account. I can buy whatever I want without being nagged about it.

I have it too good to think of leaving her.

[bandrus1 413]

 

Cheaper to keep her

 

Also

 

• Delete Facebook
• Hit the gym
• Start hiding money

Never thought I'd say it

 

Smart ideas

[Frozenbeernuts 1,653]

With that girl we saw you in the pic with not too long ago?

No that is my girlfriend

[Fireballer 2,423]

My wife and I have 3 kids in high school. We have been married for 20 years. She is still in good shape, sexes me on the regular, and rubs my head every night as we fall asleep in bed.

 

She doesn't pay any attention to our finances whatsoever. She doesn't even know how big her paychecks are, they just get direct deposited into our joint account. I can but whatever I want without being nagged about it.

 

I have it too good to think of leaving her.

This is about where I am. Lucky I guess. Shes really low maintenance except wanting to spend too much damn money on Disney trips. On top of it all, shes a great mom to the kids.

[Mr. Hand 482]

Get on Tinder asap.

[Fireballer 2,423]

Get on Tinder asap.

Serious question...do fat,middle aged people hook up on Tinder or is it just primarily handsome young folks?

[tikigods 76]

Get on Tinder asap.

 

After you:

 

1. Hide money

 

2. Delete Facebook

 

3. Hit the gym

[Gladiators 1,914]

How much money should I hide?

[penultimatestraw 473]

Divorced 14 years ago. Amicable and not contested. No lawyers.

 

It helps not to have kids, but try not to be petty as your assets are split and purge all bad feelings toward your ex ASAP.

[KSB2424 3,087]

 

After you:

 

1. Hide money

 

2. Delete Facebook

 

3. Hit the gym

[penultimatestraw 473]

Always hide money, even if you are happy.

Terrible way to go through life, as it sets you up for failure.

[tikigods 76]

How much money should I hide?

 

itsatip: always have a secret bank account.

[Gladiators 1,914]

Terrible way to go through life, as it sets you up for failure.

I have quite a bit of cash, but it is not in case of divorce.

[Gladiators 1,914]

 

itsatip: always have a secret bank account.

Also have an account that my wife does not know about. Not in case if divorce, but because my wife would spend it if she knew about it.

[tanatastic 2,061]

Terrible way to go through life, as it sets you up for failure.

Yea having money sets you up for success, not failure, regardless of where it is. I wouldnt know, but its pretty self explanatory as money is the definition of success.

[tikigods 76]

Also have an account that my wife does not know about. Not in case if divorce, but because my wife would spend it if she knew about it.

Smart. Keep it quiet.

[penultimatestraw 473]

Yea having money sets you up for success, not failure, regardless of where it is. I wouldnt know, but its pretty self explanatory as money is the definition of success.

Perhaps the reason you don't know is your assumptions are incorrect? Once you can afford life's necessities + a little extra, the rest is gravy. Still, I know people who struggle financially, yet are more content than my richest peers. Happiness is a far better marker of success than monetary wealth.

 

Relationships are built on trust. Hiding money from your spouse, planning on the relationship's failure will likely create a self fulfilling prophesy. Women aren't dumb.

[penultimatestraw 473]

I have quite a bit of cash, but it is not in case of divorce.

As do I, but it isn't hidden from my spouse, the person I trust the most.

[cyclone24 1,836]

I didn't have to do this during mine but I had multiple people tell me to get everything in your bank accounts out in cash and if you ever got questioned say you lost it all gambling.

 

Just stashing it in a different account can be found.

 

I don't know how legitimate any of that advice was so take it with a grain of salt. Just throwing it out there.

[Gladiators 1,914]

As do I, but it isn't hidden from my spouse, the person I trust the most.

Good for you.

 

Trust is a broad term. I trust my wife to be faithful, but I do not trust her with money. She knows this.

[penultimatestraw 473]

Good for you.

Trust is a broad term. I trust my wife to be faithful, but I do not trust her with money. She knows this.

What do you think she would do if she found out about your hidden cash? Spend it uncontrollably?

[cyclone24 1,836]

Old school...Do you trust your wife?

[Gladiators 1,914]

What do you think she would do if she found out about your hidden cash? Spend it uncontrollably?

If she had access to it, I am not sure. She likely wouldnt spend it uncontrollably, but she would have zero problem spending even more than she already does on unneeded things.

 

For example, we built our house 9 years ago and wants to drop $20k on changing countertops, fireplace tile, etc. If she knew what I had in my other account, she would push hard to get that done now.

[shotsup 832]

No that is my girlfriend

Is the GF the reason for the divorce?

[Bill E. 676]

I did. No kids thank God. Best thing I ever did. I was not happy for years. Either was she. She got involved with a new group of friends I had nothing in common with. Some of them were going through divorce at the time . She mentioned not being happy and she wanted out. I jumped at it and tried to agree to everything to make it happen. It helped that we had no debt including the house so were were not going to struggle too much financially. We sat down and listed assets and investments and split it up. She never liked the house and I did so I got that. My lawyer said she was getting too much of the Roth investments but she did not go after my business so I was fine. It was uncontested and quick. We never spoke again. I met someone after about six months and we got married a year later. I am much happier than I ever was and wish I had done it 5 years earlier but things would not have gone so smooth. I heard she married one of the guys going through a divorce at the time. He is super rich and like 12 years older than her so I am happy that she will be taken care of.

[Filthy Fernadez 2,696]

My wife and I have 3 kids in high school. We have been married for 20 years. She is still in good shape, sexes me on the regular, and rubs my head every night as we fall asleep in bed.

 

She doesn't pay any attention to our finances whatsoever. She doesn't even know how big her paychecks are, they just get direct deposited into our joint account. I can but whatever I want without being nagged about it.

 

I have it too good to think of leaving her.

 

My wife and I are empty nesters and I feel similar.

 

I do the checkbook because I'm the more frugal, disciplined one of us. I don't have to hide money because I'm not betting on things going south after 20+ years.

[titans&bucs&bearsohmy! 2,745]

I did. No kids thank God. Best thing I ever did. I was not happy for years. Either was she. She got involved with a new group of friends I had nothing in common with. Some of them were going through divorce at the time . She mentioned not being happy and she wanted out. I jumped at it and tried to agree to everything to make it happen. It helped that we had no debt including the house so were were not going to struggle too much financially. We sat down and listed assets and investments and split it up. She never liked the house and I did so I got that. My lawyer said she was getting too much of the Roth investments but she did not go after my business so I was fine. It was uncontested and quick. We never spoke again. I met someone after about six months and we got married a year later. I am much happier than I ever was and wish I had done it 5 years earlier but things would not have gone so smooth. I heard she married one of the guys going through a divorce at the time. He is super rich and like 12 years older than her so I am happy that she will be taken care of.

Similar to mine. I gave her everything. Left with just my clothes.

 

I havent heard from her in over a year now, have no desire to.

[kutulu 1,564]

Manslaughter is what, twenty years?

[Brad GLuckman 518]

I got married young, right after getting out of the military. We divorced 6 months later. I thought it was going to be a relatively easy divorce since it was so short, but she was asking for $35,000. She wanted 1/2 of how much my house appreciated in value since I bought it. I bought the house prior to our marrige and she never made a single payment. 3 weeks before she filed for divorce, she offered to pay for landscaping which was around $2,000. She said that proved joint ownership. She was also way off on how much it appreciated. Eventually I was able to prove to her that the house wasn't worth as much as she thought, but not after accumulating a bunch of lawyer fees. She eventually agreed to my original offer of $8,000. Profit from selling the house was wiped out between paying her and lawyers. I'm still amazed I had to pay anything after such a short marriage.

 

It was a huge wakeup call for me. It changed how I looked at finances and women. The feeling of racking up credit due to high lawyer fees was simply awful. I never wanted to experience debt like that again and I took steps to ensure that never happens. I've been debt free since I was 30 years old. My wife now expects a partner, not someone to replace her Dad. While I was heartbroken at the time, it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

[wiffleball 4,688]

Every guy I know that's gotten divorced has this in common. When it first happens, they just want it over with they don't want to think about it or deal with it and they usually end up getting bent over. Then about three to five years after the fact, then they realized themselves that they really should have gotten some representation like the wife did.

[naomi 350]

Just on principle I can't imagine asking for half the value of what something someone else bought on their own appreciates for, simply because we were married. Even if you technically can pursue it, how does it not feel like stealing? I wouldn't enjoy profit that was at someone's earnest expense. I would assume most people feel that way, but all the lawyering up paints a different picture. I get that there can be geuinely messy or convoluted scenerios, but if you bought a house before me and I'll I've done is pay for some landscaping, it's yours, but I'll take the 2K back.

[Filthy Fernadez 2,696]

 

Bill Burr preaches............

[Gladiators 1,914]

Just on principle I can't imagine asking for half the value of what something someone else bought on their own appreciates for, simply because we were married. Even if you technically can pursue it, how does it not feel like stealing? I wouldn't enjoy profit that was at someone's earnest expense. I would assume most people feel that way, but all the lawyering up paints a different picture. I get that there can be geuinely messy or convoluted scenerios, but if you bought a house before me and I'll I've done is pay for some landscaping, it's yours, but I'll take the 2K back.

I think it gets a bit hairy because the wife, typically, sacrifices her career for taking care of the family. As a result, she hasnt earned or saved as much and her long-term earning potential likely took a hit. So, she wants half and I can appreciate that. Not saying I would like it, but it makes some sense.

[cyclone24 1,836]

I am going through it. It should end up being uncontested. I haven't ponied up anything yet since we are hammering out the details ourselves

Do you trust your wife?