Mother in law is moving in

[The PosterFormerlyKnownAs 61]

1 hour ago, vuduchile said:

I’m building her a place of her own so she won’t have to go to a nursing home.  She won’t pay any rent, utilities, cable.   She’ll also have her phone rolled into our family plan   

...,

I just want her to set aside some of her money for her long term care if she ever needs it.  I feel like that’s only fair.  

May be worth consulting someone with expertise in elder finances ... my gut idea would be for you to charge her rent and set that money aside for long term care needs ... the reason is to draw down her savings in the case she would need to move into Full time residential care (memory care is one need.)

 

[nzoner 936]

Thoughts and prayers,before my MIL passed I offered to let her move in here but she told my wife(36c) there was no way she was living under the same roof with me and so my mrs all but moved back home(100 miles) to take care of her.It caused some major issues in our relationship and I've said all along it was my MIL's intentions but by God's grace it all worked out and we're still together.

[vuduchile 1,941]

1 hour ago, nzoner said:

Thoughts and prayers,before my MIL passed I offered to let her move in here but she told my wife(36c) there was no way she was living under the same roof with me and so my mrs all but moved back home(100 miles) to take care of her.It caused some major issues in our relationship and I've said all along it was my MIL's intentions but by God's grace it all worked out and we're still together.

That's a tough spot.  Glad it worked out for you both.  

[TimmySmith 2,782]

FIL in law was in poor health(cancer) , MIL could have lived to be 100.  We used to joke about who would get her.  Then she had a stroke and was gone.  He lived another 8 years.  Vudu's MIL plan is a plan only.  

[nzoner 936]

10 minutes ago, vuduchile said:

That's a tough spot.  Glad it worked out for you both.  

Thanks man,my MIL was a lonely bitter woman,once told my mrs she couldn't believe she raised a daughter so weak that she needed a man and God in her life.

[vuduchile 1,941]

Just now, nzoner said:

Thanks man,my MIL was a lonely bitter woman,once told my mrs she couldn't believe she raised a daughter so weak that she needed a man and God in her life.

Ugh.  My MIL isn’t nearly that bad, but she’s pretty selfish and sorta dumb.   

[vuduchile 1,941]

Well, we’re off to a rip roaring start.  

Apparently, the MIL racked up a bunch of medical debt.  Going out of network to have surgeries, having procedures that weren’t fully covered under her plan and God knows what else.  

She hasn’t been paying them off so she had a series of judgments against her.  She was also behind on her HOA dues, so all these parties had a series of liens on her house.  All this was never shared with my wife or anyone else.  

So, she netted much, much less on her home sale than what we were all lead to believe.  Not looking good long term.  

One of the judgements could not be cleared at closing for some legal reason so she needed to pay $9K to the court up front so that the closing could take place today. 

Of course she doesn’t have $9K laying around, so guess who had to loan it to her this morning?  

My wife and I were up at 5 am moving the rest of her big stuff to our place today so I could open the store on time. 

My wife went back later to do the small stuff.   When she got there, MIL told her she was going to get her hair done and then to pick up her new glasses. 

She also said something to my wife today about the minivan I gave her being to big for her. 

To top it all off, my wife went to meet up with her best friend who’s in from Denver for the weekend. 

So the MIL just showed up ready to start living here and my wife isn’t even home.  

I told my sons to go entertain her til their mom gets home. 

[fandandy 3,311]

On the bright side, thanks to discoveries aimed at extending the human lifespan, she will only live there for another thirty years.  

[Gladiators 1,904]

Someone in another thread recommended antifreeze...that may have been for a dog though.

[Bier Meister 1,514]

can you set up a webcam for us to follow along?

[KSB2424 3,083]

Family first.  

That's the post. 

[shorepatrol 1,737]

Your gonna pay her medical bills? In that situation, at that age ? JFC man. 

[Old School 360]

What sucks is the lack of honesty or the lack of being open about finances. Definitely not a good start. Followed by a day at the hair dresser and new glasses- spending money doesn’t seem to bother her.  Sounds like a pattern that will not change any time soon. 
The current pile of bills only surfaced due to a major life change- the sale of a home. No telling what kind of bills are going to pile up in the near future.

Oh. And. The free van you hooked her up with isn’t what she wants. Countdown to a new car payment in the near future.

Good luck. Sometimes trying to help someone see the light can be frustrating when they refuse to open their eyes.

 

[IGotWorms 3,315]

Gee if only there was some system where people wouldn’t get deep in debt for getting medical care...

[Cdub100 3,381]

Get her on a fixed income plan. Put that money she gains from the home sale into a dividend heavy portfolio 

[Gladiators 1,904]

10 minutes ago, IGotWorms said:

Gee if only there was some system where people wouldn’t get deep in debt for getting medical care...

[Cdub100 3,381]

34 minutes ago, IGotWorms said:

Gee if only there was some system where people wouldn’t get deep in debt for getting medical care...

It's called Medicare, which she's eligible for. Do you know how literally anything works in this country or are you just a regurgitating mouth of stupid?

[Hardcore troubadour 12,650]

1 hour ago, IGotWorms said:

Gee if only there was some system where people wouldn’t get deep in debt for getting medical care...

Obamacare didn’t cover it? 

[IGotWorms 3,315]

10 minutes ago, Hardcore troubadour said:

Obamacare didn’t cover it? 

Evidently not. Sh1tty half measure

[TimmySmith 2,782]

Good luck Vudu. Sounds like a grade A narcissist. Wait until she inevitably starts complaining about the accommodations, that is the time to give her a reality check.

[TimmySmith 2,782]

5 minutes ago, IGotWorms said:

Evidently not. Sh1tty half measure

It lined the pockets of insurance companies just like it was designed to do.

[Hardcore troubadour 12,650]

19 minutes ago, TimmySmith said:

It lined the pockets of insurance companies just like it was designed to do.

Bingo. They wrote the thing, why wouldn’t it? Obama got rolled. 

[vuduchile 1,941]

She has Medicare now.  

Apparently, this all happened before she reached retirement age and was eligible for Medicare.  

A knee surgery and a hip surgery lead to all the medical debt.  But who knows if I’m getting the whole story.  

Anyway, we are stuck with her now.  

My wife probably needs to demand she take over her finances.  

The MIL is out shopping for Christmas presents today.  

Wasting money she doesn’t have on stuff that nobody needs, in my minivan that’s not good enough for her.  

She should be saving every focking dime she has right now!

[tanatastic 2,061]

This will go well.

[Strike 3,977]

:subscribed:

 

[kutulu 1,545]

Mother daughter threesome?

[Cloaca du jour 2,064]

We had to give my inlaws a reality check...FIL has stage 4 lung cancer...MIL is a witch...always trying to upset my wife...always threatening to move out...upsetting my wife...she loves her dad.  My wife started sending her apartment listings on facebook and told her to get out...that shut her up...temporary armistice now.

[Cloaca du jour 2,064]

They have no financial sense...probably bring in 6k a month...blow it eating out 3 meals a day...drive 1200 miles a week...packages for grandkids come in mail everyday...christmas pile in my garage is as big as a car...supporting crackhead grandson with 3 kids...he has no job...we try to talk to them and they get mad and say they can do what they want.

[MTSkiBum 1,594]

Sorry to hear, hopefully it turns around.

[Voltaire 4,560]

My MIL lives with us , costs us nothing,  helps around the house. 

I don't hardly ever argue with my wife anymore, but when I was first married we did, and my MIL would always take my side.

Too bad not every MIL is like mine.

[frank 2,145]

Alaska’s nice...

[vuduchile 1,941]

On 12/15/2019 at 6:36 AM, Voltaire said:

My MIL lives with us , costs us nothing,  helps around the house. 

I don't hardly ever argue with my wife anymore, but when I was first married we did, and my MIL would always take my side.

Too bad not every MIL is like mine.

You’re very lucky. 

[vuduchile 1,941]

On 12/14/2019 at 11:08 PM, Cloaca du jour said:

They have no financial sense...probably bring in 6k a month...blow it eating out 3 meals a day...drive 1200 miles a week...packages for grandkids come in mail everyday...christmas pile in my garage is as big as a car...supporting crackhead grandson with 3 kids...he has no job...we try to talk to them and they get mad and say they can do what they want.

That sounds like my MIL except she doesn’t bring in that kinda cash. 

She has 2 sons, but because she now lives with us, we’re gonna be the ones stuck taking care of her at some point.  I can see the writing on the wall and she needs to change starting today   

We have 2 kids that wanna go to college and my wife and I wanna retire someday.  That won’t happen if she becomes a financial drain on us. 

 

[TimmySmith 2,782]

7 minutes ago, vuduchile said:

She has 2 sons, but because she now lives with us, we’re gonna be the ones stuck taking care of her at some point.  I can see the writing on the wall and she needs to change starting today.

You are also going to do a lot of hosting.  You probably already do.

[vuduchile 1,941]

On 11/4/2019 at 3:05 PM, EternalShinyAndChrome said:

You better get out there now start working on instead of posting on a low rent message board.

On the positive side, my wife wasn’t really bothered by her mom being in the house this weekend.

Saturday night, we did our thing at around 11.  I had a couple more drinks, then passed out.  

Next thing I know, the wife is waking me up for round 2 at about 12:30.  

At 55, I don’t go for round 2 all that often. When I do, anal is typically the move.  So, that was a good way to end a frustrating week.

[jerryskids 5,206]

43 minutes ago, vuduchile said:

On the positive side, my wife wasn’t really bothered by her mom being in the house this weekend.

Saturday night, we did our thing at around 11.  I had a couple more drinks, then passed out.  

Next thing I know, the wife is waking me up for round 2 at about 12:30.  

At 55, I don’t go for round 2 all that often. When I do, anal is typically the move.  So, that was a good way to end a frustrating week.

Good wife you've got there.  That was her way of thanking you for putting up with her biotch mom. 

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

1 hour ago, vuduchile said:

On the positive side, my wife wasn’t really bothered by her mom being in the house this weekend.

Saturday night, we did our thing at around 11.  I had a couple more drinks, then passed out.  

Next thing I know, the wife is waking me up for round 2 at about 12:30.  

At 55, I don’t go for round 2 all that often. When I do, anal is typically the move.  So, that was a good way to end a frustrating week.

How big is your wife's strap-on? 

[KayJay1971 238]

Put in some hidden cams in the guest house and stream the feed!! Grannies Gone Wild!

[vuduchile 1,941]

She was a no show for Christmas dinner.  

On her way out the door for church, I told her we would eat around 2-3pm.  

I told her I was making prime rib, mashed potatoes, corn casserole and a spinach salad.  She said ok.  

My wife texted her around 2 and she texted back saying she just went out to eat and was gonna do some shopping.  Yes do some shopping. ON Christmas Day. WTF?

Later that night, she was asking me about the leftovers in the fridge.  I was close to telling her to gfhs, but didn’t. 

We told her not to spend any money on our kids because they don’t need anything.  Of course, she didn’t listen.  

She and my wife got into a big fight about her finances today.  

She’s been eating out a lot, and has been buying clothes, shoes and other stuff since she got here   

Today, she joined some stupid weight watchers program for $15/mo and my wife went off on her.  She’s still paying $25/mo for a YMCA membership that’s 40 miles away because she likes the pool.   She’s never gonna go there. Plus, she lives 5 minutes from the lake now. I know she can’t swim today but she can swim every focking day for free from Memorial Day - Labor Day. 

So now we’re in a tough spot.  My wife doesn’t want her here living like she does with no regard for her future or ours.  We’re not gonna kick her out.  She has no place else to go.

But now I’m having a tough time justifying spending $40-$50K garage conversion for this woman.   

I know the conversion would benefit us down the road when we start renting this place out,  but there’s no way to tell when that might pay off.  What if she lives for another 20-30 years  

Anyway. We’re calling the conversion off for now.  

She’s welcome to the guest room for as long as she needs it. 

 If she can show my wife that she wants to be responsible and take some steps to plan for her future, we might reconsider.   From what I’ve seen, I don’t think she will.  

She did agree to drive the van.  But I’m keeping it in my name.  She can use it freely, but I’m not signing it over to her.  

[Bier Meister 1,514]

mrs just went out to CO yesterday to visit her mother and sister. Sister lives in Ohio. This is part Christmas, and part organizing her crap.   A bit of of a hoarder and also storing her late father's possessions in the basement (she owns and rents out his house... maybe $1200/m).  MIL takes no action to organize it herself.  Has always been homemaker/housewife. Widowed about 5-6 years ago.

 

We have encouraged her to consolidate and move into a smaller unit (with an HOA to manage exterior) closer to us or mrs' sister. Both houses are paid off.  maintaining the houses at 80 in Colorado winters is not a good recipe for her.  

 

her late years are going to be a mess.