Let’s write a very offensive dating app profile

[Mungwater 593]

“Hi I’m mungwater, I’m tall, work out regularly, dog person Etc.  My hobbies include legos and walking through target pointing out which chicks I want to bang..”

any other ideas?

[Cloaca du jour 2,147]

You didnt say you were a white male, easily the most offensive.

[Dizkneelande 1,085]

4 minutes ago, Cloaca du jour said:

You didnt say you were a white male, easily the most offensive.

White Christian conservative straight male. 

[Mungwater 593]

For fvcks sake

[bostonlager 2,664]

Its only worth writing if the intent is to create a real account on one of the apps, fock with some chicks, and post the humor here as it plays out. 

[Mungwater 593]

6 minutes ago, bostonlager said:

Its only worth writing if the intent is to create a real account on one of the apps, fock with some chicks, and post the humor here as it plays out. 

I’ll do it

[Ultra Max Power 214]

"I don't believe in condoms, but I know my way around a coat hanger"

[wiffleball 4,788]

I've seen you with a mustache. 

 

Words aren't needed. 

[BeenHereBefore 1,449]

No Fat Chicks

[BufordT 425]

I post on a low traffic message board on Thanksgiving and Christmas Day.

[JustinCharge 2,397]

most of these responses are wrong.  never say what you bring to the table.  dont describe yourself.  make demands.

"I'm looking for a REAL WOMAN.  fit, trim, feminine, no tattoos.  Knows how to cook and clean.  doesnt go crazy over simple stuff.  When I say "calm down", you do it.  always ready to make a peaceful home with no drama after i come home from a hard day earning the money."

[BeenHereBefore 1,449]

Henry Swanson's my name, and excitement's my game. I'm looking for a dark haired girl with green eyes and money is no object.

[Strike 5,182]

Title the profile ~Stick

[BunnysBastatrds 2,304]

I like to go to the kids park and watch the little girls and picture what they will look like when they’re legal.

[Blue Horseshoe 348]

6 hours ago, Mungwater said:

any other ideas?

 

The guy who created Plenty Of Fish did an interview long ago, and IIRC, he said the issue that got the most complaints to his staff and moderators was anyone who had a profile that openly said they did not want to date single mothers. 

[Bier Meister 1,655]

 

i like to flirt with servers, eat off of you plate, make you pay for dinner, show off my star wars action figures

 

"well, it isn't going to suck itself!"

 

"oh, I thought they would be bigger."

 

"boy, those pants make you look fat"

[RaiderHaters Revenge 4,236]

my name is Gutterboy

 

[jerryskids 6,547]

Will pay for morning Uber up to $20

[Cloaca du jour 2,147]

What group is your target?  So many snowflakes would be hard to go global.

[5-Points 3,385]

If you have kids, just keep on scrolling. I'm not about to put up with your screaming brats and, clearly, their father didn't stick around for a reason. And that was before you went and ruined your body. 

[edjr 6,578]

1 hour ago, 5-Points said:

If you have kids, just keep on scrolling. I'm not about to put up with your screaming brats and, clearly, their father didn't stick around for a reason. And that was before you went and ruined your body. 

winner!!!!

[patweisers44 815]

I'm Adam, i drive a miata and am a poker God.  I also can turn 11 dollars in food stamps into a gourmet meal.

[frank 2,276]

I like big butts and I cannot lie. 

[Blue Horseshoe 348]

5 hours ago, 5-Points said:

If you have kids, just keep on scrolling. I'm not about to put up with your screaming brats and, clearly, their father didn't stick around for a reason. And that was before you went and ruined your body. 

 

In Canada, apparently a case long ago, a man let a women he knew from elementary school together, stay in his spare unit over his shed. She had like two or three kids. She did not pay rent, she didn't have the money. Basically, he took her in, housed and fed her and her kids, gave them shelter, because he didn't want them to be homeless. He was not in a relationship with the woman, never had sex with her, never legally adopted the kids. 

Later, she sued him for child support. She presented to the Family Court several pictures that the children had drawn for the man in crayon. It called him "Daddy" and "Father"  That was used as part of the basis to rule against him. He ended up being forced to pay child support for all those kids. 

"In Loco Parentis" is Latin. It means "In The Place Of The Father" 

What actually happened is there are very high taxes in Canada, and the quiet conclusion was that the government could take on this woman and her kids and support them, with tax dollars, of this man could be a surrogate social welfare system by proxy. Which do you think they picked? 

The fallout of this was that single men all over Canada, at the time, were refusing to date single mothers. You'll even see that here in America and in other Western nations. 

If a man doesn't want to date single mothers, that's his preference. However I recognize there are massive diminishing returns if you say something like that in public. However many single mothers are upset about that. Well, if you challenge someone else's choices, you've just challenged your own. If a single mother is angry a single man won't date her at all, then why shouldn't a burn victim in a wheelchair be angry that this same single woman won't date him? 

Are we going to pretend that the average woman, or single mother, is going to be racing to date a burn victim in a wheelchair? 

Third Wave feminism broke the basic social compact and "cost benefit" analysis for most single men in America. If you have the basics down as an adult male (decent job, stay in shape, take good care of yourself, act like a functioning member of society, etc) , you can probably get regular sex. Not always the sex you want, but still, regular sex. If a man gets that, what is the point of commitment and marriage if he doesn't want kids? 

I observed something a few years ago, which was a man and woman, total strangers, were near a door, and he entered and did not hold it open for her. She mentioned that to him after she entered. That she thought it was rude. And he said, "Would you have done it for me?"  Now, I'll hold open doors for people, I think it's good manners. But I realize it's possibly becoming less of a social norm. No one wants to sacrifice for a modern society and culture that keeps telling them that they are without value and vilifies them. 

Third Wave feminism told modern women that they didn't need no man in their lives. OK, so now they are getting what they asked for and let's see how it plays out. 

[League Champion 1,896]

 

[Pimpadeaux 2,404]

"Hi, I'm Justy. I live in my mom's basement. I've never known the touch of a woman other than my mommy. I spend all day searching the ends of the Internet for anything to validate all the money I've spent on lining the walls with tinfoil on prepping. I was good at arguing in high school. I like chicken nuggets and mac and cheese. I can't hold down a job. I'm fat and haven't set eyes on my peemus in years thanks to my enormous gut. But I've got hot contents in the form of conspiracy-theory sources that will blow your mind."

[Thornton Melon 603]

"I'm going to assume your gender, and it had better be female"

[seafoam1 2,797]

On 6/16/2023 at 1:16 PM, BufordT said:

I post on a low traffic message board on Thanksgiving and Christmas Day 24x7 for the last 25 years.

 

That whole sentence could be simply posted as "I'm MDC."

Rookie. 

[Cloaca du jour 2,147]

Put some Brojammers in it.