Did you ever experience 'the one that got away'?

[BLS 313]

Ever have someone in your life or you wanted to be in your life that was very special, but it never worked out?

I just got married in February.  She's a good enough woman, but we have our share of problems.
I didn't really want to get married, but I'm almost 50 and decided it was time.
She's not the one I dreamed of, but she's mostly good to me.

 

The one that got away was a girl I met in my late 20's.  Smile that made my heart stop and eyes that made me get a lump in my throat.
I'll spare you the gushy stuff, but I never knew there could be a woman of my dreams until I met her.

We ended up sharing our feelings one night, and it turns out she felt the same way about me that I did about her, but she was dating someone long-term, later got pregnant, married him and had another kid.

We occasionally chatted on Facebook or email, but never a lot of communication.

I sent her a text out of the blue for her Birthday a couple weeks ago.
She replied back "thanks, how are you?"

We met up for a drink a few weeks back.  She got divorced 2 years ago.  Still single.

 

I feel like a piece of for the thoughts that are going through my mind daily.  
Talk about confusing.

[wiffleball 4,640]

Damn, this thread just begs for PhillyBear. 

[Brad GLuckman 518]

I don't understand why you got married. Not fair to your wife.

[BLS 313]

1 minute ago, Brad GLuckman said:

I don't understand why you got married. Not fair to your wife.

It's what she wanted.  

[porkbutt 861]

thought this might be a fishing thread. instead it's just wimmen talk.

[Brad GLuckman 518]

1 minute ago, BLS said:

It's what she wanted.  

Eh, I get it.

I don't know man, this girl who got away is 20 years older and likely much different. You are reminiscing about a girl in her 20s not 50s.

How does she look now? We're you content in your marriage before you saw this one was divorced?

To answer the original question, I have a couple of girls that got away. One I didn't pursue because I was 18 and moving to Japan for the Marines. That was a smart move. Too young

Another I broke up with because I wasn't that attracted to her. She was pretty but I'm a boob guy and she had small boobs. She was awesome to be around, so much fun, always happy, none of the usual emotional rollercoaster bullshit you get with women. I always somewhat regretted breaking up with her, even immediately after I did it because I just loved hanging out with her.

I think part of it is the "grass is always greener" thing. No doubt if I didn't end up with my wife, she would be the one that got away.

[fandandy 3,311]

So, what's the bet here?  You'll get divorced before Trump gets impeached.  I guess I'm in.  What kinda odds are you giving? 

 

[NEWPOSTERGUY! 266]

met her on 12/31/86 ... lost her for good in May of '90. 

not a day goes by where i'm not replaying that sh1t. 

[frank 2,145]

27 minutes ago, BLS said:

Ever have someone in your life or you wanted to be in your life that was very special, but it never worked out?

I just got married in February.  She's a good enough woman, but we have our share of problems.
I didn't really want to get married, but I'm almost 50 and decided it was time.
She's not the one I dreamed of, but she's mostly good to me.

 

The one that got away was a girl I met in my late 20's.  Smile that made my heart stop and eyes that made me get a lump in my throat.
I'll spare you the gushy stuff, but I never knew there could be a woman of my dreams until I met her.

We ended up sharing our feelings one night, and it turns out she felt the same way about me that I did about her, but she was dating someone long-term, later got pregnant, married him and had another kid.

We occasionally chatted on Facebook or email, but never a lot of communication.

I sent her a text out of the blue for her Birthday a couple weeks ago.
She replied back "thanks, how are you?"

We met up for a drink a few weeks back.  She got divorced 2 years ago.  Still single.

 

I feel like a piece of for the thoughts that are going through my mind daily.  
Talk about confusing.

These should have been your wedding vows. 

[BLS 313]

3 minutes ago, Brad GLuckman said:

Eh, I get it.

I don't know man, this girl who got away is 20 years older and likely much different. You are reminiscing about a girl in her 20s not 50s.

How does she look now? We're you content in your marriage before you saw this one was divorced?

To answer the original question, I have a couple of girls that got away. One I didn't pursue because I was 18 and moving to Japan for the Marines. That was a smart move. Too young

Another I broke up with because I wasn't that attracted to her. She was pretty but I'm a boob guy and she had small boobs. She was awesome to be around, so much fun, always happy, none of the usual emotional rollercoaster bullshit you get with women. I always somewhat regretted breaking up with her, even immediately after I did it because I just loved hanging out with her.

I think part of it is the "grass is always greener" thing. No doubt if I didn't end up with my wife, she would be the one that got away.

She looks like she's 20 years older.  No, in fact, and this is going to sound dumb, but I vividly recall having a thought about a week before the wedding of "Maybe someday Shelly and I will be divorced and we can spend our last few years together."

I asked my wife to marry me about 9 months into dating, before I realized the things about her I didn't like.  But I didn't have the heart to break it off.

I'm glad that your wife is the one.  That must be a great feeling to know you made the right choice.

Appreciate the feedback.  I know it's a stupid silly thing for me to even think about it.
 

[BLS 313]

9 minutes ago, fandandy said:

So, what's the bet here?  You'll get divorced before Trump gets impeached.  I guess I'm in.  What kinda odds are you giving? 

 

Trump won't get impeached....so your odds are good.

[BLS 313]

3 minutes ago, frank said:

These should have been your wedding vows. 

Well played sir.

And deserving.

[BLS 313]

9 minutes ago, NEWPOSTERGUY! said:

met her on 12/31/86 ... lost her for good in May of '90. 

not a day goes by where i'm not replaying that sh1t. 

It's the worst.

[Mookz 1,287]

Easy one.  Sabotage your marriage so you can be with this other girl. 

Also, can size?! 

[Hardcore troubadour 12,646]

I am the one that got away. More than once.  Sorry Jen, Laureen, Maggie and Theresa. 

Goodbye stranger

Its been nice

Hope you found your paradise

Tried to see your point of view 

Hope your dreams all came true  

 

[fandandy 3,311]

7 minutes ago, frank said:

These should have been your wedding vows. 

  Especially this part, it's so romantic:

She's a good enough woman, but we have our share of problems.
I didn't really want to get married, but I'm almost 50 and decided it was time.
She's not the one I dreamed of, but she's mostly good to me.

And then she replies with something like, Ummm, To have, to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish till death we do part?  

[jerryskids 5,206]

17 minutes ago, frank said:

These should have been your wedding vows. 

Quality. 

 

[NorthernVike 2,080]

31 minutes ago, porkbutt said:

thought this might be a fishing thread. instead it's just wimmen talk.

[wiffleball 4,640]

See, here's the thing about The One That Got Away; 

 

She got away. 

 

Away. Before she had a chance to be needy. 

Away, Before she had occasion to be annoying. 

Away, Before she had one of those mornings when you looked at her and thought WTF happened to you?

Away, before she showed her insecure, weird and just plain batshiit nutty side of her. 

 

She's always going to be  - better. Because you can't imagine her being - worse. 

Worse than the idealized version of her you've made up in your head. 

Worse than the version of her that could never possibly live up to your expectations. 

But in every relationship, the Bloom Falls off the Rose. 

That's not negative - it's part of being in a real relationship.  

The kind of relationship where you have days where each of you don't even LIKE the other. 

But you stick it through, because you Love each other. 

You stick it through. Because a -meh- day with someone is better than your best without. 

There's always going to be 'better'. 

But if you keep chasing it, you'll find the Only Thing That Got Away?

Was all of your days from Now until It's Too Damn Late.

[BiPolarBear 476]

41 minutes ago, BLS said:

It's what she wanted.  

Give her what she wants now; which is bound to be a divorce.   

[BLS 313]

3 minutes ago, wiffleball said:

See, here's the thing about The One That Got Away; 

 

She got away. 

 

Away. Before she had a chance to be needy. 

Away, Before she had occasion to be annoying. 

Away, Before she had one of those mornings when you looked at her and thought WTF happened to you?

Away, before she showed her insecure, weird and just plain batshiit nutty side of her. 

 

She's always going to be  - better. Because you can't imagine her being - worse. 

Worse than the idealized version of her you've made up in your head. 

Worse than the version of her that could never possibly live up to your expectations. 

But in every relationship, the Bloom Falls off the Rose. 

That's not negative - it's part of being in a real relationship.  

The kind of relationship where you have days where each of you don't even LIKE the other. 

But you stick it through, because you Love each other. 

You stick it through. Because a -meh- day with someone is better than your best without. 

There's always going to be 'better'. 

But if you keep chasing it, you'll find the Only Thing That Got Away?

Was all of your days from Now until It's Too Damn Late.

 

Interesting perspective.  I actually agree with you.

[jerryskids 5,206]

4 minutes ago, wiffleball said:

See, here's the thing about The One That Got Away; 

 

She got away. 

 

Away. Before she had a chance to be needy. 

Away, Before she had occasion to be annoying. 

Away, Before she had one of those mornings when you looked at her and thought WTF happened to you?

Away, before she showed her insecure, weird and just plain batshiit nutty side of her. 

 

She's always going to be  - better. Because you can't imagine her being - worse. 

Worse than the idealized version of her you've made up in your head. 

Worse than the version of her that could never possibly live up to your expectations. 

But in every relationship, the Bloom Falls off the Rose. 

That's not negative - it's part of being in a real relationship.  

The kind of relationship where you have days where each of you don't even LIKE the other. 

But you stick it through, because you Love each other. 

You stick it through. Because a -meh- day with someone is better than your best without. 

There's always going to be 'better'. 

But if you keep chasing it, you'll find the Only Thing That Got Away?

Was all of your days from Now until It's Too Damn Late.

Did you write this yourself?  Because it is pretty dang spot on. 

[vuduchile 1,941]

56 minutes ago, BLS said:

Ever have someone in your life or you wanted to be in your life that was very special, but it never worked out?

I just got married in February.  She's a good enough woman, but we have our share of problems.
I didn't really want to get married, but I'm almost 50 and decided it was time.
She's not the one I dreamed of, but she's mostly good to me.

 

The one that got away was a girl I met in my late 20's.  Smile that made my heart stop and eyes that made me get a lump in my throat.
I'll spare you the gushy stuff, but I never knew there could be a woman of my dreams until I met her.

We ended up sharing our feelings one night, and it turns out she felt the same way about me that I did about her, but she was dating someone long-term, later got pregnant, married him and had another kid.

We occasionally chatted on Facebook or email, but never a lot of communication.

I sent her a text out of the blue for her Birthday a couple weeks ago.
She replied back "thanks, how are you?"

We met up for a drink a few weeks back.  She got divorced 2 years ago.  Still single.

 

I feel like a piece of for the thoughts that are going through my mind daily.  
Talk about confusing.

Frankly, it sounds like your marriage is doomed.  You clearly aren't committed to your wife.  It's better to end it now.  Once you've started divorce proceedings, call the one that got away.  

[Hardcore troubadour 12,646]

I love my wife. So glad I waited. Also pretty happy about hanging a bunch of chicks. But man I had some slumps. Not laughing it off I'm in a slump kinda slump. Getting pissed and saying wtf kinda slumps. 

[NEWPOSTERGUY! 266]

38 minutes ago, BLS said:

It's the worst.

of all the words of tongue or pen, these four are saddest: "it might have been"

[Kopy 491]

I think I found "the one". That being said. If something we're to happen, I doubt I'd ever get married again. Even if I felt it was "the one" part 2.

 

[SUXBNME 1,335]

Nope.  Not yet

[BufordT 371]

1 hour ago, BLS said:

Ever have someone in your life or you wanted to be in your life that was very special, but it never worked out?

I just got married in February.  She's a good enough woman, but we have our share of problems.
I didn't really want to get married, but I'm almost 50 and decided it was time.
She's not the one I dreamed of, but she's mostly good to me.

 

The one that got away was a girl I met in my late 20's.  Smile that made my heart stop and eyes that made me get a lump in my throat.
I'll spare you the gushy stuff, but I never knew there could be a woman of my dreams until I met her.

We ended up sharing our feelings one night, and it turns out she felt the same way about me that I did about her, but she was dating someone long-term, later got pregnant, married him and had another kid.

We occasionally chatted on Facebook or email, but never a lot of communication.

I sent her a text out of the blue for her Birthday a couple weeks ago.
She replied back "thanks, how are you?"

We met up for a drink a few weeks back.  She got divorced 2 years ago.  Still single.

 

I feel like a piece of for the thoughts that are going through my mind daily.  
Talk about confusing.

You watch too many movies.....I guarantee you the one you're currently with is the better woman. 

[jerryskids 5,206]

BLS, I don't know if it helps but... my wife and I were in the same friend group at work just out of college.  We didn't date until a year later; in fact I dated her roommate first.  It was no "love at first sight" thing with fireworks; we just became friends over time and decided to try going out.  She gave me a beejer on the second date so that kept me around for a while.  Anyway, a year into dating she basically said her clock was ticking and I had until the end of the year (about 6 months) to decide if I wanted to get married.  We are both engineers and fairly analytical; I thought about it and decided "hmm, I've been with her for a year, I've never been with anyone else longer than 3-4 months, so we must get along well, and I'm not getting any younger either.  I wish I had met her a few years later so I could explore more Phoenix chicks first, but eh, I'll marry this one."  

Fast forward to today, we celebrated our 25th anniversary last October.  3 kids, lots of ups, some downs, countless shared experiences.  Still get beejers.    If we had never dated, or dated briefly, I wouldn't look back and think she was the one that got away.  But now she is my soulmate, and I would be devastated beyond words if I lost her.

I'll end with this thought.  We did Engaged Encounter as part of being married in the Catholic Church.  The biggest thing we learned is that marriage isn't about love or happiness, it is about union.  There will be days you aren't happy or don't feel in love.  That happens with all couples, including your utopian one that got away, were you to marry her.  If you look for the good you will see it.  Same for the bad.  I was very saddened by your OP and I hope you figure out what's best for you. 

ETA:  I think we were dating 2 years before the ultimatum.  I should know this. 

[lickin_starfish 1,480]

Mine's still trying to get away, but I've got her on lockdown.

[iam90sbaby 2,125]

I recently re-connected with the girl that I dated my Jr and Sr your of high school. We went our separate ways when she went off to college, she moved back to Orlando and hit me up. I guess if we never talked again she would have been the one that got away 

[Cruzer 1,992]

I used to think so............until I met my current one.

Then I realized just how off base and wrong I was. I would be sick if I had the one I wanted, then met this one.

[nzoner 936]

At one time I really thought I had (I was the cause of the relationship ending) but as I got older I realized some things happen for a reason.We were young,in college at the time and looking back now I believe they were a few things(mainly spiritual beliefs) that she and I would've brought into the marriage that ultimately would've created division.

[RLLD 3,455]

Nah, i got the right one..... I might have been able to do better, bu then again I would not have my kids....and they are really cool, so I am all good I think

[Brad GLuckman 518]

1 hour ago, BLS said:

I'm glad that your wife is the one.  That must be a great feeling to know you made the right choice.

Appreciate the feedback.  I know it's a stupid silly thing for me to even think about it.
 

I wasn't saying my wife is the one. I was saying if she got away, she would "in my mind" be the one that got away. My opinion of her when we first dated was unrealistically high. Kind of like what wiff was saying.

[Patriotsfatboy1 1,432]

I have been married for 24 years.  There have been times in the past where I have thought fondly of previous girlfriends.  I have never really worried that they were ones that "got away", though.  I tend to focus on making the present better instead of trying to live in the past. 

[BLS 313]

1 hour ago, jerryskids said:

BLS, I don't know if it helps but... my wife and I were in the same friend group at work just out of college.  We didn't date until a year later; in fact I dated her roommate first.  It was no "love at first sight" thing with fireworks; we just became friends over time and decided to try going out.  She gave me a beejer on the second date so that kept me around for a while.  Anyway, a year into dating she basically said her clock was ticking and I had until the end of the year (about 6 months) to decide if I wanted to get married.  We are both engineers and fairly analytical; I thought about it and decided "hmm, I've been with her for a year, I've never been with anyone else longer than 3-4 months, so we must get along well, and I'm not getting any younger either.  I wish I had met her a few years later so I could explore more Phoenix chicks first, but eh, I'll marry this one."  

Fast forward to today, we celebrated our 25th anniversary last October.  3 kids, lots of ups, some downs, countless shared experiences.  Still get beejers.    If we had never dated, or dated briefly, I wouldn't look back and think she was the one that got away.  But now she is my soulmate, and I would be devastated beyond words if I lost her.

I'll end with this thought.  We did Engaged Encounter as part of being married in the Catholic Church.  The biggest thing we learned is that marriage isn't about love or happiness, it is about union.  There will be days you aren't happy or don't feel in love.  That happens with all couples, including your utopian one that got away, were you to marry her.  If you look for the good you will see it.  Same for the bad.  I was very saddened by your OP and I hope you figure out what's best for you. 

 

As usual, good advice.

In my heart I know you're right.

[BLS 313]

25 minutes ago, Patriotsfatboy1 said:

I have been married for 24 years.  There have been times in the past where I have thought fondly of previous girlfriends.  I have never really worried that they were ones that "got away", though.  I tend to focus on making the present better instead of trying to live in the past. 

Also good advice.  Thanks PFB.

[fricker66 91]

1 hour ago, jerryskids said:

 

I'll end with this thought.  We did Engaged Encounter as part of being married in the Catholic Church.  The biggest thing we learned is that marriage isn't about love or happiness, it is about union.  There will be days you aren't happy or don't feel in love.  That happens with all couples, including your utopian one that got away, were you to marry her.  If you look for the good you will see it.  Same for the bad.  I was very saddened by your OP and I hope you figure out what's best for you. 

 

My wife and I are married 21 years.  We recently found our Engagement Encounter notebooks.  I never really thought that weekend did much except deprive me of the opportunity to watch The Masters (no worries...we and another couple snuck out at one point), but there was some interesting stuff in those notebooks.

[kutulu 1,545]

Dig the hole deeper