t.j. booker 206 Posted October 1, 2020 Before we got divorced Gloria gave me a “hand job” but only with the lights off if I promised to think about someone else and not to touch her boobs. That was the last sex I had three years ago. Im divorced, middle aged, short, fat, bald and broke. How does a fellow like me “get lucky”? She can be fat and ugly I don’t care at all. I need release. Many if you are smooth with the ladies. Please help a desperate brother out! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JustinCharge 2,397 Posted October 1, 2020 In some cultures, being fat is a sign of immense wealth. Typically nations face brutal starvation. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mookz 1,287 Posted October 1, 2020 Would you be averse to having this performed by someone who could be a girl, but there would be no way of knowing? You already have some good experience with picturing "someone else". Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Strike 3,981 Posted October 1, 2020 There are women who make a living by helping guys like you get lucky. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TimmySmith 2,782 Posted October 1, 2020 Go to a protest. If you play your cards right you will be hit by a car. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jerryskids 5,212 Posted October 1, 2020 I’ve found that throat cancer surgery attracts hot nurses who pretty much need to pay attention to you. :thumbsup: 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Strike 3,981 Posted October 1, 2020 10 minutes ago, jerryskids said: I’ve found that throat cancer surgery attracts hot nurses who pretty much need to pay attention to you. :thumbsup: Have you gotten the sponge bath yet? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jerryskids 5,212 Posted October 1, 2020 23 minutes ago, Strike said: Have you gotten the sponge bath yet? No. Morning nurse is attractive tho so I’m hopeful. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Hardcore troubadour 12,664 Posted October 1, 2020 Ask MDC Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
edjr 5,569 Posted October 1, 2020 Wear a MAGA hat to a Klan rally Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Elevator Killer 497 Posted October 1, 2020 1 hour ago, Mookz said: Would you be averse to having this performed by someone who could be a girl, but there would be no way of knowing? You already have some good experience with picturing "someone else". You know it's going to look a lot like a cashew don't you? Breaking down after just one day. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
t.j. booker 206 Posted October 1, 2020 2 hours ago, riversco said: In some cultures, being fat is a sign of immense wealth. Typically nations face brutal starvation. I can’t afford to travel. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Utilit99 4,099 Posted October 1, 2020 Get a pelosi blow up doll and give it to her good. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bier Meister 1,514 Posted October 1, 2020 For you.... SI swimsuit edition and costco lotion. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nobody 2,045 Posted October 1, 2020 Just join antifa. I hear those guys are swimming in ass Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gladiators 1,904 Posted October 1, 2020 13 minutes ago, Bier Meister said: For you.... SI swimsuit edition and costco lotion. Nailed it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BufordT 371 Posted October 1, 2020 Where's Gepetto when you need him? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bier Meister 1,514 Posted October 1, 2020 5 hours ago, Strike said: There are women who make a living by helping guys like you get lucky. 21 minutes ago, Bier Meister said: For you.... SI swimsuit edition and costco lotion. 7 minutes ago, Gladiators said: Nailed it. There is, of course, this. I was helping him with cost effective ways to fulfill his needs. may a little baby oil now and then to mix things up? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
fricker66 91 Posted October 1, 2020 26 minutes ago, Bier Meister said: There is, of course, this. I was helping him with cost effective ways to fulfill his needs. may a little baby oil now and then to mix things up? For cost effectiveness, all that is really needed is imagination. Of course , if he had to ask the question here, he probably doesn't have that either. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
phillybear 364 Posted October 1, 2020 Ah, so I was to talking to a woman thing a few months back in a casual conversation over alcoholic beverages in an enclosed business facility. She asked what I did for a living. I'm a roofer. Really? How do you do deal with all those hot temperatures in the summer working on top of houses? Houses? What are you babbling about? I said roofer. Do you see this pill? I put one of these in your drink 20 minutes ago. *checks watch* Well, I guess it's time to carry you out to my car... Remember, doofus, a gentleman helps his date to his car by holding the trunk open. I strongly recommend a crash course in chemistry, surgery, and agriculture. Good luck. HTH. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
edjr 5,569 Posted October 1, 2020 Tell your uncle you like his bulge Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
peenie 1,691 Posted October 1, 2020 If you just want sex, it doesn't matter what you look like as long as you're not broke. If you don't want to directly or indirectly pay for sex you'll have to invest a bit of your time getting to know a woman and pretending you care and want a relationship. Otherwise you need to be a smooth talker or good looking. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
FlyinHeadlock 459 Posted October 2, 2020 9 hours ago, riversco said: In some cultures, being fat is a sign of immense wealth. Typically nations face brutal starvation. This is true. Some of those fat disgusting pacific island nations that can digest spam and fast food faster than processing water. I'd move there. Being fit is frowned upon and considered a sign of weakness. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
phillybear 364 Posted October 2, 2020 26 minutes ago, peenie said: If you just want sex, it doesn't matter what you look like as long as you're not broke. If you don't want to directly or indirectly pay for sex you'll have to invest a bit of your time getting to know a woman and pretending you care and want a relationship. Otherwise you need to be a smooth talker or good looking. And then force your way into her domicile and choke the fock out of her. Once she is unconscious, grab a hammer, and beat her about the head with the claw end. Brutalize her skull. Bathe in her blood. You are reborn. Blood, blood, blood, everywhere. Wash your face with the plasma. Gargle the blood and spit it into the air.... Then go home. Maybe buy a burrito along the way. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nobody 2,045 Posted October 2, 2020 Wash your face with the plasma? I have to bring a hammer and a god damned centrifuge with me? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
t.j. booker 206 Posted October 2, 2020 2 hours ago, peenie said: If you just want sex, it doesn't matter what you look like as long as you're not broke. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Gladiators 1,904 Posted October 2, 2020 4 minutes ago, nobody said: Wash your face with the plasma? I have to bring a hammer and a god damned centrifuge with me? Yeah. Way too much work. Bier won this thread. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mookz 1,287 Posted October 2, 2020 21 hours ago, The Elevator Killer said: You know it's going to look a lot like a cashew don't you? Breaking down after just one day. BRB, gotta go call my sponsor. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TBayXXXVII 2,121 Posted October 2, 2020 23 hours ago, t.j. booker said: Before we got divorced Gloria gave me a “hand job” but only with the lights off if I promised to think about someone else and not to touch her boobs. That was the last sex I had three years ago. Im divorced, middle aged, short, fat, bald and broke. How does a fellow like me “get lucky”? She can be fat and ugly I don’t care at all. I need release. Many if you are smooth with the ladies. Please help a desperate brother out! Go to an "Alternative Lifestyle Bar", claim to be a trans woman. There'll be "Lesbian's" there that'll put out. A friend of mine dared me to do that once. I told him that he'd have to do it first. Jerkoff banged 2 "Lesbians" that night (threesome). I told him I wasn't as brave as he was. I punked out. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Big Guy 1,400 Posted October 2, 2020 this thread so reminds me of this...... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mookz 1,287 Posted October 2, 2020 7 minutes ago, Big Guy said: this thread so reminds me of this...... The United States Department of Beauty 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MTSkiBum 1,594 Posted October 2, 2020 22 hours ago, peenie said: If you just want sex, it doesn't matter what you look like as long as you're not broke. This is true. I think the only logical conclusion is for @tj booker to spend his remaining money on scratch off lottery tickets. It is a no lose strategy. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Voltaire 4,564 Posted October 2, 2020 Go to the hospital, snag a white lab coat in the break room or office, then find the coma patients or the morgue. 1 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Voltaire 4,564 Posted October 2, 2020 Put on a wig, find some chick on a free app that identifies as pansexual, hope it really is a chick, if she says ‘no’ badger her repeatedly with a ‘trans-phobe’ accusation. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TBayXXXVII 2,121 Posted October 3, 2020 On 10/1/2020 at 7:47 PM, peenie said: If you just want sex, it doesn't matter what you look like as long as you appear to be loaded. FIFY If sex is the only objective, a guy can pretend to be well off. Rent an expensive vehicle, have a good wing man, come off as a lawyer and boom... real in a hottie gold digger who finds fool's gold. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mike Isles 583 Posted October 3, 2020 On 10/1/2020 at 12:01 PM, jerryskids said: I’ve found that throat cancer surgery attracts hot nurses who pretty much need to pay attention to you. :penisup: Fixorateded Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mike Isles 583 Posted October 3, 2020 On 10/1/2020 at 11:12 AM, Mookz said: Would you be averse to having this performed by someone who could be a girl, but there would be no way of knowing? You already have some good experience with picturing "someone else". What are you proposing to him ? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mookz 1,287 Posted October 3, 2020 2 hours ago, Mike Isles said: What are you proposing to him ? Really just trying to gauge interest at this point. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Elevator Killer 497 Posted October 3, 2020 9 hours ago, Mookz said: Really just trying to gauge interest at this point. Just eat a cashew already Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Elevator Killer 497 Posted October 3, 2020 Get a job at a home for the blind. Or become a furry. The costume will hide your repulsiveness. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites